World Becomes Perfect, Leading to QUEST Cancellation: Phillips to Announce Retirement


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QUEST in its glory days.

On 1 April 2022, Irvington High School announced via Infinite Campus that it would no longer be implementing QUEST for the 2022-23 school year. The main reason behind this decision was a lack of social issues, as the world had – for unknown reasons – become perfect a day prior.
Shortly after the discovery, a student who was “on their way to the bathroom” reported seeing twelfth-grade teachers huddling in a corner of the staff room. After consulting with the FUSD Board, Alameda County, and Governor Gabriel Newsom, the teachers determined that the project must be terminated; in the absence of civic issues, the example Civic Actions on page 21 of the QUEST packet were no longer relevant. Irvington staff’s shock at the revelation quickly turned to alarm as they realized seniors would now have free time.

Furthermore, educators scrambled to find a suitable replacement for QUEST. Some argued that QUEST was too iconic to be replaced; others suggested “maybe having seniors sit in a circle and discuss their feelings about QUEST,” instead of actually doing it.

“Perhaps we could create social issues for students to solve,” one Gov/Econ teacher mused.

“I’m actually really upset that we can’t do QUEST anymore,” said Michael Phillips, English teacher and QUEST coordinator. “I mean, obviously, it’s a good thing that the world is basically perfect. But I made QUEST my whole personality, and now it’s gone. It’s like if you made Taylor Swift’s 1989 era your whole personality, except she’s not in her 1989 era anymore.”

Phillips further raised suspicions about the sudden turn of events, stating, “It’s almost like they conspired to make the world perfect just so we can’t do QUEST.”

Current seniors – especially those who had completed their four Source Checks, Policy Paper, both Essential Question drafts, and Research Presentation – met the benchmark’s cancellation with bitterness. The seniors’ spokesperson stated in a press release, “Seriously, this sucks. If we had to suffer, they should too.” Seniors denied our requests for interview.

Regardless, the class of 2023 had a generally positive reaction to the news. “I’m so glad they cancelled QUEST,” Regina George (11) told The Voice under conditions of anonymity. “I was so not looking forward to sitting awkwardly next to senior citizens for hours and, like, talking to them. Wait, is that an iPhone 17?”