On March 12, the Irvington Athletic Department announced a shocking decision. After funds went mysteriously “missing” at the same time that the football team received some shiny new equipment, the department declared bankruptcy last Tuesday. That, along with several coaches and the Athletic Director leaving, has led to the abolition of all sports. But have no fear! The Athletic Department has unveiled a new, shiny, extreme sport to replace all the old, boring ones called Combined Sports, which, as the name suggests, combines all Irvington sports into one. Starting next week, all athletes will move into TAK Stadium, the home of the Vikings. 

After the decision was announced to other schools, there was an uproar amongst other FUSD athletic departments regarding who the Irvington combined Sports team would play against. According to Iam Fast, the Athletic Director of Valley Atheist High School, “We decided to let the Irvington Combined Sports team play against our football teams, because honestly, they haven’t won a football game against us in years, they need all the help they can get”. 

Just today, the team played its first ever game. Irvington students showed up in the thousands to cheer on their friends, but there was some confusion amongst them. “I thought this was a cheerleading rally, but then I heard some guys behind me screaming for our quarterback to run the ball, so then I was just confused,” said one student. There were also some safety concerns, as reportedly a track athlete running the 100m ran straight into a golfer’s swing, leaving him with a concussion and a torn ACL, although the ACL is rumored to be from falling down the bleachers after the game ended. Despite this, Irvington is still expected to continue with Combined Sports for the foreseeable future. Make sure to check out Irvington Combined Sports’ next home game against the New York Jets.