Recently, I was involved in a court case that you may have seen circulating online. I would like to show my point of view, and how the case has misrepresented me in an unfavorable light.
For your reference, this is an excerpt from the news brief:
The Superior Court of Alameda County was presented with an unprecedented case on March 6th and 7th of 2026. Irvington High School students brought a vehement disagreement from the classroom to court, on the topic of cereal’s “state of matter.”
According to reports of witnesses, the conflict first arose in the AP Language and Composition classroom of Ms. Deali Ng when Thera Pistfriend and Icant Dothis clashed over the response for the final question, at which point Pistfriend had only spoken twice, whereas Dothis had spoken sixteen times.
As the Souper Cereal Socratic weighed heavily on the grades of each student, Dothis deemed speaking sixteen times insufficient and proceeded to interrupt Pistfriend with a pretentious interjection of “Sorry;” then proceeded to deliver a long-winded analysis on the scientific basis of cereal.
This evidently ragebaited Pistfriend, who upon receiving a turn, ignored Dothis’s explanation altogether by stating, “I’d like to circle back to [other student’s] point.”
Dothis in retaliation, allegedly interrupted Pistfriend in middle of her speaking, with a direct “I’d like to disagree,” which further angered Pistfriend, who resorted to the extreme stance of “Cereal is a salad,” directly contradicting Dothis’s stance on how soup is a cereal.
Pistfriend, the plaintiff, brought this to court upon receiving a B- in the socratic and appeals to the teacher led to no avail. Justice Abo Uttoretire is presiding over this case. This is an ongoing case.
There are several things wrong with this supposedly “factual” reporting. First of all, cereal is a soup. Make no mistake about that. It’s not my opinion, it is a fact. The corrected version should establish that I’m right, Thera is wrong. That I’m smart, Thera is dumb.
According to new guidelines from the Food and Drug Administration, a soup is classified 60% liquid, something that cereal exceeds. Furthermore, recent research from the chemistry honors classes found that a soup is a heterogeneous mixture, as is cereal (Sophomores et. al).
So basically, even though the briefing says otherwise, I am correct.
More than that, I am appalled, to say the least, at the favoritism the court presented towards Thera. It’s her own fault for not talking earlier in the socratic, and no, I don’t care that it’s polite to let her talk. I will jump in at every opportunity and yap as much as I want because I don’t care about anyone but myself. Classes are hard, deal with it. We’re in competition for the A. Don’t even think I’ll bypass another opportunity to show off my extremely articulate speaking abilities in Socratics to let you pass. Be grateful I even gave a “pretentious” apology.
Who cares about being a decent human being when the grade is on the line?
